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mundane journal entry
Aug. 25th, 2017 12:06 amSo tired. I drank coffee yesterday (a small macchiato shot, they even did some foam art in that tiny paper cup!) and I couldn't sleep. I don't normally drink much coffee cuz it messes with my fickle sleep and it can make me anxious, so it's all the worse when I do.
I showered late and hoped to stay up so I could pack for our trip we're leaving on tomorrow and clean up the room, but Rachel threw a fit and made me turn off the lights and lie there in bed. She gets so nasty past a certain point at night when the sleep haze descends. It's like being hangry only related to being sleepy instead of hungry. Awful, awful tantrum child.
I lied in bed from 1 am to 2 am and then got up to read about Node streams, something I've been learning about at work, from 2 am to 4 am.
Went back to bed and lightly slept.. It's not really sleep when it doesn't feel restorative, right? I don't think I got into REM sleep.
I wasn't able to get much done at work today. It felt like slogging through cobwebs. I was dismayed to see I hadn't moved much in code by a certain point in the afternoon; I had barely done anything. My co-worker June and I were messaging each other constantly today and that's also part of why I couldn't get much done. I don't know how people get work done when they're like that. Do they not care? :O
I don't know what it is, but I felt lightly depressed today. A light form of June gloom (unrelated to my co-worker June, and yes, I know it's August). I've been doing pretty well regaining normal happiness since my last depressive episode, which was a few months ago now. But today it might be the combination of sleep deprivation and the fact that I've been moodled by work lately, so I haven't been able to do much outside of work / been unmotivated. I don't feel like I've mentally prepared and feel ready for vacation. I've just been hassling about work each day without the time or space to transition to another mode.
Sometime I think it'd be interesting to write about what made me depressed last time. How being just a little waylaid by different pressures and feeling inadequate to balance multiple pressures was enough to trigger a depressive episode for me. Hmm.
I don't know if I have everything I need for vacation and the trip tomorrow, and I feel like I kind of should work on work, but at the same time I'm tired enough that I can't really opt to do anything but go to bed at this point and be justified. So that's that.
(Oh no, this has become my anxiety / mood journal!!)
Watching:
I showered late and hoped to stay up so I could pack for our trip we're leaving on tomorrow and clean up the room, but Rachel threw a fit and made me turn off the lights and lie there in bed. She gets so nasty past a certain point at night when the sleep haze descends. It's like being hangry only related to being sleepy instead of hungry. Awful, awful tantrum child.
I lied in bed from 1 am to 2 am and then got up to read about Node streams, something I've been learning about at work, from 2 am to 4 am.
Went back to bed and lightly slept.. It's not really sleep when it doesn't feel restorative, right? I don't think I got into REM sleep.
I wasn't able to get much done at work today. It felt like slogging through cobwebs. I was dismayed to see I hadn't moved much in code by a certain point in the afternoon; I had barely done anything. My co-worker June and I were messaging each other constantly today and that's also part of why I couldn't get much done. I don't know how people get work done when they're like that. Do they not care? :O
I don't know what it is, but I felt lightly depressed today. A light form of June gloom (unrelated to my co-worker June, and yes, I know it's August). I've been doing pretty well regaining normal happiness since my last depressive episode, which was a few months ago now. But today it might be the combination of sleep deprivation and the fact that I've been moodled by work lately, so I haven't been able to do much outside of work / been unmotivated. I don't feel like I've mentally prepared and feel ready for vacation. I've just been hassling about work each day without the time or space to transition to another mode.
Sometime I think it'd be interesting to write about what made me depressed last time. How being just a little waylaid by different pressures and feeling inadequate to balance multiple pressures was enough to trigger a depressive episode for me. Hmm.
I don't know if I have everything I need for vacation and the trip tomorrow, and I feel like I kind of should work on work, but at the same time I'm tired enough that I can't really opt to do anything but go to bed at this point and be justified. So that's that.
(Oh no, this has become my anxiety / mood journal!!)
Watching:
