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#16 small update and CBT reflection no.1
May. 28th, 2018 06:55 pmDon't know how much has been going on since my last post. The usual socializing, etc. Went on a fun-ish and novel camping(*) experience but also been kind of wound up lately with work. One of my co-workers went on vacation for three weeks and left me as the sole engineer on a high-priority effort that has since kind of deflated but is ongoing. She's coming back tomorrow. Another guy, the data scientist, got married and had a week-long honeymoon. Once he got back, he quit -- or was fired, unclear.
I don't know if it's related to the work stress, but I've also experienced a resurgence of insomnia :( I thought it could be related but there seems to be more to it, since I also had a tough time sleeping on the weekend, when I experience significantly less stress.
Speaking of which, I've decided to co-opt this place to write some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) journals since I can tell there are issues with the way I react to work and studying on the weekends.** Maybe I can work through these issues myself. Right now, I'm avoiding some work that I've put off for the whole Memorial Day weekend.
Factors which I think contribute to this / triggers:
- If I don't get started on work early enough (which is a happy feat if I do manage it), I start to feel anxious about how the day has gone and my mind resists the prospect of work (a stressful sentiment). There are some "mind distortions" (fears) around this: it's too late for it to go right now, the day has been ruined already, there's no hope of getting as much done as I want, etc.
- I'm not sure I do want to dedicate so much of my day to work, if I'm worried I will even get much out of it. The fear that I put in effort, but it'll be wasted time and feel bad in the end. That I won't feel rested and like I got much done, going back to work on a Monday, even if I tried and dedicated my time to it.
- ... ? Distractions can't focus on writing this
(This is taking a while and we need to go back soon to watch the Bachelorette anyway.)
Things to do:
- 10 minute breather break -- no Twitter or distractions. Just to calm down and deal with anxiety directly instead of bad, endless distractions that do nothing to directly address anxiety.
- Writing a journal to think about strategies and my emotions, like I am now.
- ? Take a walk, swim, or drink tea to reset?
- Just get started -- promise to work for a limited amount of time, constrain it so it seems less overwhelming.
Maybe after the Bachelorette, I'll try to swim to clear my head / since I haven't gotten around to it the whole weekend, and fit in just an hour or two of work. But if the premiere goes on for too long, there may not even be enough time for that. So if not, we'll see.
* Not sure it qualifies as a full camping experience since there were showers and amenities, but we did sleep in a tent!
** Hey, since I tend to write about my anxieties and ruminations here anyway, might as well (resign myself &) just do the same, but point it to a productive angle.
I don't know if it's related to the work stress, but I've also experienced a resurgence of insomnia :( I thought it could be related but there seems to be more to it, since I also had a tough time sleeping on the weekend, when I experience significantly less stress.
Speaking of which, I've decided to co-opt this place to write some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) journals since I can tell there are issues with the way I react to work and studying on the weekends.** Maybe I can work through these issues myself. Right now, I'm avoiding some work that I've put off for the whole Memorial Day weekend.
Factors which I think contribute to this / triggers:
- If I don't get started on work early enough (which is a happy feat if I do manage it), I start to feel anxious about how the day has gone and my mind resists the prospect of work (a stressful sentiment). There are some "mind distortions" (fears) around this: it's too late for it to go right now, the day has been ruined already, there's no hope of getting as much done as I want, etc.
- I'm not sure I do want to dedicate so much of my day to work, if I'm worried I will even get much out of it. The fear that I put in effort, but it'll be wasted time and feel bad in the end. That I won't feel rested and like I got much done, going back to work on a Monday, even if I tried and dedicated my time to it.
- ... ? Distractions can't focus on writing this
(This is taking a while and we need to go back soon to watch the Bachelorette anyway.)
Things to do:
- 10 minute breather break -- no Twitter or distractions. Just to calm down and deal with anxiety directly instead of bad, endless distractions that do nothing to directly address anxiety.
- Writing a journal to think about strategies and my emotions, like I am now.
- ? Take a walk, swim, or drink tea to reset?
- Just get started -- promise to work for a limited amount of time, constrain it so it seems less overwhelming.
Maybe after the Bachelorette, I'll try to swim to clear my head / since I haven't gotten around to it the whole weekend, and fit in just an hour or two of work. But if the premiere goes on for too long, there may not even be enough time for that. So if not, we'll see.
* Not sure it qualifies as a full camping experience since there were showers and amenities, but we did sleep in a tent!
** Hey, since I tend to write about my anxieties and ruminations here anyway, might as well (resign myself &) just do the same, but point it to a productive angle.
