#8 life updates

[tarobun]

I finally sorted through a pile of paperwork that had been sitting in a corner of our small room for weeks or months. Rachel was getting infuriated with it (and then I think she gave up and got complacent). Small victories.

On work and salary

My company did actually give me a 10% raise, out of the blue, without a formal review process. It was nice in that I didn't expect that much of them, given how little they were communicating with us about that process. What's funny is my manager told me I was the only one out of my cohort of junior team mates to get a raise, trying to impress on me that they were rewarding me for exceptional performance. Later I managed to drag it out of one of my co-workers that he also got a raise. Again, my company suffers on the transparency mark.

Anyway, 10% raise on 85k salary is 93.5k which is still below average for developers of my experience, and I didn't like that the company decided on how much my raise would be without having a more formal review which would leave room for negotiation. My manager said this was an independent raise from the normal company-wide raises in February, and I also dug out more information from her later that they're instituting a new process which will incorporate formal reviews, so I might have a chance to improve this number. In the meantime, I'm still extending out my tentacles to feel out other companies / opportunities...

On interviews

I was slightly pinning my hopes on getting an offer from a small start-up my friend recommended me to, that I really liked for their social impact mission and value-centric culture. The people seemed nice and smart (unlike the feeling I get from my current company at times), I felt like I could learn a lot and work on interesting things, and I'd get to be part of a small but successful-seeming start-up as it grows, since it was est. 20 or so employees when I applied.

It seemed like they liked my personality well enough, but I was lacking on the technical skills, mostly algorithms and whiteboarding skills, to progress past the second phone screen interview. It's a little bit of a blow, because I really would have liked to work at the company, and because I feel smart enough that the actual work wouldn't be a problem for me. That said, it was the first company I was interviewing at in a year (second total interview if you count the one I did for the company I got hired at a year ago). So, it's not so surprising that I have to work on my algorithms and whiteboarding a bit. Supposedly, the interview process at this start-up isn't even that hard, so yeah. Rusty.

I'd like to re-apply there in a few months, but a lot of things can change in that time -- e.g. if they hire more people, if I get hired elsewhere, etc.

I had one phone screen and two recruiter calls last week, on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and have another one scheduled Monday at 9 a.m. I switched my LinkedIn profile to be open to new opportunities, and have been getting lots of recruiter pings in the past week. I'm interested in one a little bit that doesn't seem to involve whiteboarding, and I'm supposed to hear back mid-week next week if they're actually interested in me doing an onsite. There's another one that's asked to do an onsite next week (what happened to the technical screening??) but I'm still struggling to figure out how I can take off the time I need to do all these interviews.

I'm still not confident about passing the technical part of these interviews but they will give me some practice and provide some incentive for me to study a bit where I can. I try to remind myself it's not super important to me whether I get accepted to these companies, so I don't put too much pressure on myself. I'm thinking after getting through the process at these companies, I'll take a little bit of a break from applying places so I can focus on using the time to study a bit. It's been a bit hectic with all the scheduling and interviews, etc.

On moving

We had given up on moving for a while because of limited income while Rachel isn't working, but we found evidence that the mysterious puddles that appear in our basement and the debris that come up the laundry sink that we use as our kitchen sink + the shower drain are definitely connected to the sewage. Graphic evidence, that is.

Our mom grew unusually urgent about moving, considering she's usually the one to clench her jaw and tolerate distress in favor of being frugal, and the one that has always dismissed the motion of moving while our income is limited. I think having to clean up the mess while knowing the reality got to her. Anyway, we set on a sudden new house search with the goal to move ASAP.

In the end, we had two options: a cheap one bedroom for $2000 in Nob Hill and a kinda small one bedroom apartment in a luxury apartment with lots and lots of amenities (three pools, three spas, three saunas, gym, rec room, kinda like a dorm more or less) in SOMA near the bay for $800 more. Again, my mom was unusually attached to the latter considering her typical frugality. I asked my co-workers for advice, and it kind of warmed my heart that they all looked out for me by advising me to be pragmatic and go for the option that would allow me to build savings.

Despite taking their words to heart, in the end I wanted to do what would make us happy. I think we've suffered a bit in our basement. I've mentioned living in the basement as a contributor to my depression before. I want us to be happy in our environment, and part of that is living somewhere nice. I won't be taking home real savings for a while, but I should earn enough to cover the rent and other expenses and put a little aside each month. That's also ignoring the fact that Rachel is supposed to work again sometime this year, and I'm striving for another raise.

In the meantime, Rachel and I will get to rollerskate near the bay, and my mom will have access to a recreation room with TV access. Rachel will get to exercise as much as her heart's desire, so she can be fit again. I'll have access to my beloved spas. Saving is important, but if you save all your life at the expense of your quality of life, you miss out. And my mom has been sacrificing her QOL for so long that I'd like her to live somewhere nice again.

I'm excited to move and see how my life feels due to the change. >v<

On dating

I met a guy that helped me study for algorithms a bit, and he seemed smart and sensitive enough that I felt he'd be interesting to go out with. The first date was fine. He was a little boring in his interests ("I like to watch video lectures" and "I like thinking about random questions like that") but nice enough. One thing that was a bit of a question-raiser for me was that he took me back to his apartment, without really telling me where we were headed (walking around the neighborhood), and then he just assumed it would be OK for us to drink alcohol and watch Netflix in his room. To me, that's kind of a questionable assumption for a first date. I feel like he pushes his advantage a bit without being conscientious about my boundaries, which is a turn-off.

We arranged to have another date mid-week (based on his lead) but there was a bit of back and forth after some mishaps and I felt like we were clashing a bit. Other things that put me off him was his tendency to act like he knew better than me when giving me advice,* a bit of snarkiness in his texts when he himself was put off (or as June put it, emanating vibes of "entitlement". could be me reading into his tone...) and his propensity to take lead and assert what we would do. What is it with a certain type of guy and their tendency to think they're more mature or something and need to take charge? I pin it down on culture and the way we make men think they need to behave.

The worst thing is they don't know. On the whole, this guy was probably an OK guy, in most other respects. It might even have been OK for some girls who like guys who show initiative or girls who are passive and need someone to balance that. But the fact that he had an ego of some sort on the downlow bothered me. And it tends to be guys who are smart who sometimes act like this, because they think they're smart too. Kill me now.

Long story short, I told him I wasn't interested in meeting up again in the end and we had more back and forth over it. Anyway, I'm stressed enough that I might put dating on the backburner again until after the move and the hectic part of interviewing + studying is over.

* Guys giving advice is not the problem. It's the attitude they have when they give advice. This subtle, instinctive belief of theirs that you're approaching them as a wiser, more knowledgeable figure instead of an equal. ... #mansplaining